Hash Trash

Run #474, 11-Feb-2018

posted Feb 20, 2018, 6:56 AM by Michael Sanders   [ updated Feb 20, 2018, 6:57 AM ]

Hares: Whoremonger, Healing Hands & Kellie

Preceding the run, a circle was called for final run instructions and at that time I was delegated as the scribe. I must point out, that this is not the Thai democratic way….I had no way to negotiate….normally an envelope can change hands and the write-up would pass to another.

The “On On”was called and the pack ventured out along a road and then turned into the scrub. First obstacle, was what we call a “KC non event”, which consisted of a narrow concrete pole across a Klong, which slowed the pack. Then we encountered, some clever checks and a few dodgy bridges, causing the pack to split into two groups – the racehorses and the others.

It was great to be running out in a country area and soaking in the fresh air. Following bush trails and a klong paths, we eventually zigzagged back through rice paddy fields to the “On In” marking and then a short stint along the road to the restaurant car-park.

Walter Cuntrite (have I got that name right?) started late and passed the scribe, about a third of the way into the run, eventually finishing at the head of the pack. According to the GM, he broke some obscure rule, about over-taking after the “On In” marking….I had never heard of that one before! I thought there were no rules, except Rule 1 & Rule 2…which makes all rules irrelevant!

By missing a loop, I managed a 5.5km run and the front runners recorded distances around the 6.5 to to 8km, depending on their checking.

Attendance: 20 Harriers & 10 Harriets
The usual entertaining circle, which included, a virgin, “Henno”, from I know not where, but I know it was a “Shithole” and newboot, “Watches Tit”
Returners: Lecherous, Healing Hands and AnySex.com.
Departing Hashers Turd Burglar & Lecherous

The On On was the fun part:

We sat drinking beer and wine for half an hour, as “Whoremonger” had arranged a Thai speaking friend, to telephone through the booking and naturally enough, the restaurant proprietors were expecting Thai customers! When it was explained to the management that the group of motley farangs, were in fact their Thai customers, the food promptly arrived at the tables.

Now just try and imagine what happens when you get a couple of engineers in a room and they decide to change the seating arrangements….. kaos!

Special thanks to the very kind generosity of the hares, who not only set a great run, but paid for the On On!

Run #473, 28-Jan-2018

posted Feb 8, 2018, 8:37 PM by Michael Sanders   [ updated Feb 8, 2018, 8:42 PM ]

Hares : Cannonball and Roger Me 
The hash start point : Mahachai Seafood Restuarant Carpark, Kanlapaphruak Road.

Inconsequential Stuff
Well what a turn out. 50 hashers turned out to celebrate Cannonball leaving for the flesh pots of Pattaya. Included in this number were visitors with nothing better to do : Tuk, Mijo Slut, Count Drunkula and Spicy Chile, accompanied by hash virgins Richard Roorcroft, Jens and Pui, who had not the faintest idea of what they were letting themselves in for. Surprisingly Richard who is either masochistic or certifiably insane passed over hard earned money to become a member and committing himself to turning up for the next 6 runs to recover the enrolment fee. (the things some people do to save 50 baht every 2 weeks ?????)

Unbeknown to those attending, that really, really nice Max Factor was severely berated by our very own Nasty shithead GM Selfie Queen for not reminding the ever forgetful ex GM and now haberdasher, Late Coming Ballslapper, to bring Tee shirts for sale. Max took the rebuff stoically and wished that Selfie in his passing kharma be now reincarnated as a dung beetle

The Trail
The GM called those present for what could be loosely termed as order, to participate in the starting circle and be enlightened or otherwise by the hares regarding the trail we were about to encounter.

The group now itching with anticipation had to listen to the usual instructions which they subsequently ignored, and then sped off in the direction indicated by Cannonball

Speeding did not actually really apply to all of us, as the hash has quite a large number of what could be categorized as BSB’s (Back Strolling Bastards) your erstwhile scribe being one of them. So really I cannot give impressions of the runners trail, maybe we will find out in the finishing circle (or not !)

Leaving the car park we risk life and limb on Kanlapaphruak Road for 50 metres or so before diving left down to khlong path to take us under the road and away from the Bangkok hustle and bustle. After a while we left the Khlong path and followed a concrete path leading through the amazing jungle of palms and undergrowth which botanical gardens try hard to emulate

Our comfort factor was soon to be challenged at the next check which disgorged us into the aforementioned undergrowth and shiggy. Uneven overgrown terrain, mud, bugs and precarious logs of deteriating palm trunks over water ponds and soft ground, the only reassurance of anything near safety was that if the impact load of hare Cannonball can traverse these obstacles, so can we. Slowed down by the terrain five of us BSB’s inadvertently walked past a sneaky and unnoticed single plank water crossing. We realized the error of our ways after a few hundred metres when one of our number noted that as we were supposedly on a hash and not just on a Sunday afternoon ramble, we ought to look for markings, which necessitated in us returned to the missed crossing with a change in direction onto terra firma, paths and then roads.

After a while on the roads we were directed through a half built house; the house construction abruptly finished with a big drop bag into the jungle, Slum Dogs wife did her imitation of a sack of potatoes and landed in a heap in the foliage. Fortunately no broken bones but a few bruises. We continued through more shiggy and mercifully back on concrete up to the Kanlapaphruak main road.

Max Factor and Tuk were waiting with trepidation and the thought and fear that if your illustrious scribe did not appear they would have to fund the ON On On and taxi home themselves.

As Slum dog was concerned over his wife welfare, they bailed out of the trail, turned right and headed back to base. The intrepid few who were left turned in the other direction and after a while had to cross under the main highway on their hands and knees to tracks and khlong paths for a 3 km walk back to the beer

Near the trail end the girls took a short cut and came in 5 minutes after Knockout Neptune who had finished the whole run and was trying to satisfy his hunger with what was left of the snacks

Post Run and Circle
We all stood around far too long and drank too much beer before Selfie Queen finally called for a circle, which everybody once again disregarded, but finally acquiesced in favour of being charged and getting more beer

Hares, virgins, visitors welcomed but horrors of horrors the returnees were not called, much to the chagrin of Boob a Lube who repeatedly reminded the GM of his oversight.

We then proceeded to the usual crap of inane charges with the following notable exceptions
  • Titless did a graphic slow motion reenactment of the way Lady Boys’ dog Tiger, fell into the water. He even ventured to suggest that the dog be renamed Belly Flop
  • The dog owners were brought into the circle for being dog owners. Love Canal regaling the joke from an early 60’s Pink Panther movie
    • Does your dog bite ?
    • No !!
    • The dog bites the man
    • I thought you said your dog does not bite
    • It is not my dog !!
  • Half way through the proceedings the late arrival, Pussy Virus, came storming in having just completed the trail. Surprisingly enough he was not charged and made to take account for his actions
  • Boob a Lube conspired to extort money from non-participant by having her charged for something and take a beer in the circle, after which he approached her partner to pay for her hash fees
  • The GM finally waited for Boob a Lube to not being attentive enough and called in returnees

Circle closed and ON on on to adjacent restaurant for a Cannonball well subsidized meal and more beer

Our thanks go out to Cannonball and his Co hare Roger Me for a great hashing afternoon


Scribe for the day

Run #470, 10-Dec-2017

posted Feb 8, 2018, 8:31 PM by Michael Sanders   [ updated Feb 8, 2018, 8:44 PM ]

Well it was interesting night for the ex-gm run. The incoming GM, Selfie Queen, decided to start the night off with a bad joke and a sincere check for new shoes. So beware hashers of upgrading your footwear on this hash. LCBS set an odd Siam Sunday trail. All asphalt. What was she thinking? The circle consensus said that it was a good run, though this was based mostly on the beer stop. Who wouldn't want that? The run took us past Benjasiri park and over the first of many staircases. Our FRB's Bambi and Agent Orange decided that breaking (and marking checks) was highly overrated. I think they just wanted to give the rest of the hash the opportunity to look around for the trail. Eventually, we made it to the rare and coveted beer stop, it was amazing! Beer seemed to pour from the heavens if you were one of the lucky ones to get their early and know to get your own beer from the fridge (sorry Sheepshagger, Auntie's Bitch, etc). The rest of the run took us over the Lumpini-Benjasiri connection bridge and through LCBS's nightly haunts (no judgement).Circle went well. Knockout Neptune started off the singing with "The hairs of her dicky di-do..." This would have been a great song had it not been virgins in the middle. The memory issues were not limited to Knockout however. Our illustrious GM seems to be a bit foggy about his new management including his amazing new scribe (**cough**Cum Already**cough cough**). Shaggy stepped in to help him with the usual charges. Sweety's inevitable speech was even kept to a tolerable amount. Tasty Tail's late arrival was not missed on Snakebite who thoroughly charged her for her stupidity in going to tomorrow's run start instead of todays'. Hot Pot managed to bring some fresh meat (two middle aged sex tourists) to the hash and one was even dumb enough to join! Thanks to Late Cumming Ball Slapper (ahem, Tickler) we had some lovely new shirts. Though a few of our number were too stylish to wear them (Hot Pot, Sheepshagger, and Auntie's Bitch to name a few). The on-on-on was quite the trek. A whole 100 meters which included a set of stairs. The meal was delicious and the beer was plentiful. Good cheer was had by all in this holiday season. Boob-a-lube tried in vain to count the number of people eating but it took him several tries as his vision isn't what it used to be. Happy Holidays to everyone!

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